I wish I had some more positive things to write on, but I feel as though it would be less authentic. I am still in a rough patch though right now it is different than when I last wrote. At the moment, it is less about the body image, which has in fact improved to a degree since I last wrote, and more about my ongoing body's issues/recovery post-eating disorder, my struggles with mental illness and other personal issues, the season that is very quickly coming upon us, and a general dissatisfaction with certain things in my life, which I am working so hard to change. All these things separately may not be so difficult, but together, they are overwhelming and a burden and make me feel so terribly isolated.
In order to deal with these issues, I have been reaching out as much as I can to my friends, my team, and general support system. I have been undertaking a lot of self-care, which for me has including going to sporting events last weekend, taking lots of naps (with Sweetie, of course) when needed, taking breaks when I have needed them, and taking basic care of myself (eating, sleeping, drinking, etc.). I have been trying as hard as possible to be self-compassionate, but it is truly one of the most difficult things. I will keep trying because I know how important it is. Lastly, I have been reframing situations/emotions already present or planning for future situations. Instead of staying stuck in a negative mindset of 'I'm never going to improve', doing a reframe of that and come up with ways of why that is not true. For instance, 'That is not true because every doctor's appointment my physical health has improved,' or 'I grow with each therapy session and improve every week I go.'
Every if I am being tested right now in recovery and doing some extra hard work at the moment, I know that it is worthwhile. I know the alternative is not an option. No matter how hard the fight is at times, I know that I can beat whatever the obstacle may be. I have come so far already and I have the strength and ability to keep going. Sometimes it may be hard to see and feel, but I do.
Wishing you all well, Recovery Warriors! :)
Labels: Eating Disorder, Recovery, Self-Care