After weighing myself and feeling the consequences of that action, I decided that it was time for an art project and what better than to use my own scale. I took to what magazines I had in the house and cut out what I could find to remind myself why weighing myself is not a good option, what I lose by starting that behavior again, what it cost me when I did weigh myself every few hours, etc. My scale has never looked so beautiful.
In the throes of my eating disorder, weighing myself was one of the behaviors I would engage in. A lot. It would keep me in my disorder and fuel it. It did not matter if the number on the scale was a loss, gain, or maintain. It triggered and fueled my eating disorder. It gave Ed more life with every number.
The question is: is this where I want to be? In my eating disorder weighing myself? Missing out on my life? Living in fear of being discovered, the next number on the scale, or the ED behaviors weighing myself might provoke? Living with the stress, sadness, mayhem, and problems that feel so unbearable while in an eating disorder? I do not believe this is what I want or where I want to be.
Next time I look at my scale or am tempted to jump on it, I will be reminded of what I have fought for, what I continue to fight for, and that life where I weigh myself excessively is over.
What about others out there? Do you still have your scale? Is it time for you to turn it into a work of art like I did? What kind of decoration would you put on yours?
Or maybe is it time to get rid of your scale? Be mindful on the role of your scale in your life, whether or not it is a trigger for you, and how "safe" it is still being around. Sometimes people are not ready to let go just yet and that is okay. Know or think about where you are and decide what is comfortable for you. I do, however, challenge you to challenge yourself. You might be surprised.
Another idea is smashing your scale. This is a good idea if you are not into decorating, are getting rid of your scale, or simply want to destroy your scale in epic fashion. Take pictures or a video if you feel it necessary. Have others with you if that feels right. Maybe even make an art project our of the remains. Have fun with it because good riddance!
Labels: Body Image, Eating Disorder, Recovery